Arriving Late To The Party (UBP 2012)

I'm late to the party, sad to say.  This is my third year participating, and I'm sad that I am just now joining up this time around.  However, it's not my party, so I won't cry.  Moving along... my blog has mostly been reviews for the past year, but that's not what I started out doing, and not what I want my blog to focus on.  I'm taking advantage of this to get back to where I want to be!  Meanwhile, here are a few things about myself I thought I'd share with you: 

• I believe God.  I don't just believe in God.  I have read the promises in His Word, and have experienced the work of His Hand in my life.  Our family has gone through some hardships and trials in the past couple of years, but we have come through them all with God's help.  The end results may not have been what we wanted at the time (we did lose our house), but looking back now, it is obvious (at least to us), how God has used these situations to bring about His Will in our lives.  We are now on a path back into ministry in a church we love.  Not as lay people, as we thought last year, but as pastors - a position we walked away from 10 years ago.  God has moved in unbelievable ways in the life of our family to bring us full circle, back to where He had us and wanted us originally.  I'm eager to get going, but know that we must wait on His timing.
• I joined Weight Watchers this week.  I have gained weight due to being pregnant or nursing for the past 4 years, poor eating habits, and a very low thyroid (which was originally over-active), making it harder for my body to let go of the extra weight.  Imagine my dismay when I went online, plugged in my stats, and was told I am obese.  I knew that I am heavier than I should be and wanted to be, but I did not think I was that big.  I'm only a size 16.   Anyhow, I have been following the plan since Tuesday night, and I don't know what's going on, but I am totally craving fruits and veggies.  I also find that even though I know there are goodies in the house (cookies, cupcakes, chocolate), I am tempted by them a lot less when I know that I can have them if I choose to.  I feel better in just a couple of days, even if I haven't lost any weight (I'm not weighing myself at home, so I don't know).  As a bonus, I met a fellow homeschooler at the meeting!
• I just ate a red banana.  Speaking of fruit, I was on a produce buying spree last night, and saw some red bananas.  I like trying new foods, so I got some.  I have to say, I like the flavor, but the texture is a little different than a yellow banana, and I'm not sure I'm crazy about that.  I like firm bananas, and this one was not-so-much.
• I'm a homeschooler.  My kids are watching a science experiment DVD as I type this, playing with food coloring, milk, dish soap, eggs, matches, and jars.  Yes, I'm supervising them, and, at 12 and 11, I think they're ok with the matches.  As a homeschooler, I have a pretty good handle on what my kids are capable of.  We like doing hands-on activities and learning through real-life situations.  However, we are not "unschoolers".  My kids do book work, also.  I like to think that we are a good mix of the best of both worlds here - unschooling and more traditional book work.
• I'm a procrastinator, amongst other things.  That is one reason I am posting this on the last day of the Ultimate Blog Party.  I realized it was going on a few days ago, but it's taken me that long to get around to writing this up.  This is not a good trait, and I'm trying to work on it.   Other things I am:  a member of TOS Homeschool Crew, a brand new digi-scrapper (as well as veteran paper scrapper), a seamstress, and a gardener.  As well as a perfectionist and lazy.

Well, now you know a bit more about me.  I hope you'll look around some and visit me again!  If you've gotten this far and are interested in what you see, please make sure to "like" my Facebook page, follow me on Google Friend Connect or Linky Followers, and subscribe to me by email.  There are handy-dandy buttons for all these things up there to the right.  Thanks for visiting!!!

Remembering Morgan

Today is the first anniversary of the day we let go of our 4th child, Morgan Daniel.  He only made it to 16 weeks gestation, but his tiny little life had a huge impact on our family.  Losing Morgan was what it took to bring my husband back to God.  It also brought us closer together.  I feel totally blessed in this, because I know that losing a child can have the exact opposite effect on a couple.  I hate that I have a child I have never held, and whose face I can barely remember.  However, I know our family is better for it.  If God had asked me to give Morgan up in order to bring about these changes, I don't know if I could have made that decision.  As it was, I fully accepted that his death was my own fault, for reasons that seemed completely logical to me.  It was only until a few days ago that Mr. Man realized the depth of the guilt and responsibility I felt and was able to help me let go of it.  

The thing I struggle with now is a way to remember him.  I'd like to do something special on this day every year, as a way to honor his place in our family.  Unfortunately, we now live several hours away from his grave.  Releasing balloons seems kind of silly to me, and we don't have the financial means to do most of the other things I've thought of.  I don't want our kids to forget Morgan, but Little Miss is to young to even understand, and #5 was obviously just born.  How do I teach them about Morgan so that they'll understand?

The ways of God are mysterious to man.  We can't pretend to understand anything He doesn't spell out for us.  But I do know that Morgan's loss was not in vain.  God had a plan for him from the start, and though part of it grieves me, I praise God for the good in it.

The Year of Jubilee

We sang a song in church recently which really touched me. We have sung it before, but it never really spoke to me, other than being an upbeat song with interesting lyrics.



The Year of Jubilee is about forgiving debts. But it doesn't happen every year. You have to wait and be patient.

My husband and I used to be assistant pastors. We reached a point where we became frustrated and discouraged, and we resigned from ministry. This was 8 years ago. Mr. Man went through a long period of anger toward the church and God. He gradually made his way back to a right relationship with God, but not fully until after the loss of Morgan. I gradually came to see that perhaps God was not leading us away from ministry when we left, but that instead He was giving us over to our own selfish desires for a time. We tried to do things our own way, and it hasn't worked.

Flash forward to the beginning of January. We were able to attend a retreat and see some friends from our ministry past. Mr. Man talked for hours with one friend in particular. The friend told him about a ministry position he was looking to fill in the church he pastors. On our way home, we were in agreement that we felt we were being led back into ministry in some way. We prayed about whether we were to try to become pastors again, contact this friend with the opening in his church, or if we were being led somewhere else. Mr. Man went ahead and contacted our friend about the position, and let him know we were interested. The friend asked for time to pray about it. We continued to pray for guidance, but weren't really feeling led anywhere. That was the last we heard from our friend...

Meanwhile, we sang this song in church. It really spoke to me when we got to the line about the Year of Jubilee. I felt God saying THIS is our Year of Jubilee - we have turned our lives back over to Him, and are truly seeking His will and direction for our family. Our past selfishness is forgiven, and we are being restored!

At the end of February, our friend suddenly called, and wanted us to come out for an "interview". Something just "clicked" with both of us - THIS is what God wants for us right now. We both know it without a shadow of a doubt. We were patient and waited on God's timing, and He has revealed at least a peek at His plans. We went out for the interview (an entire state away), and have gone out again for some follow-up stuff. Every question has been answered by God along the way, every wrinkle smoothed out. All that is left is for official permission to come through from the church's headquarters (we already have unofficial permission), and for God to show us what house He has in store for us. As soon as that comes through, we will be moving, and Mr. Man will be working again! That in itself is an answer to prayer, as we were going to move in with his parents - and there still wouldn't have been a job lined up. While I will not be an employee, I will do plenty of lay ministry, and we are both excited to get back to doing what we know we should have been doing all along!

An Announcement...

We've been keeping a secret from most people. We found out just after Thanksgiving that we are expecting baby #5! After our loss in September, we just were not ready to shout it in the streets or anything. However, I have been to the doctor, and had an ultrasound, and everything looks good!

It's a BOY, due around August 2nd!

HAPPY New Year

It's 2011. And I'm breathing a BIG sigh of relief. I can honestly say that I'm glad 2010 is over - it was a hard year for us. I haven't shared most of these things here, but some of the things we've been dealing with are:

• My husband has been laid off from two different jobs in the past year. He has been unemployed for a total of 6 months, with no end in sight.
• We are facing foreclosure on our house. The mortgage company is unwilling to actually, truly try to help us.
• We lost our fourth baby in September, at 16 weeks gestation.
  
• My 24 year old brother was diagnosed with testicular cancer this fall.

Through it all, though, I can say that my God has been near. He has provided for us in ways I would have never imagined. It has been a blessing to have my husband home with us and to have the time together as a family that we would not have otherwise had. The loss of our tiny son, whom we named Morgan Daniel, while heartbreaking, has actually brought my husband and I closer together, and ignited a spiritual renewal in both of us. While it stinks that my brother has cancer, it is a type that is 90% curable. I can even say that should he not be in that 90%, he is a Christian, and I know where he will go, should he lose this fight. We will lose our home, but have two sets of parents that are more than willing to allow us to live with them as long as we need. Things could be so much worse. We are healthy and happy, even though we may be struggling financially. We have a roof over our heads and food to eat. We are together. We have Christ, and no one can take Him away from us.